we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
