nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
