cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm sobbing to NWA
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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