I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
