Ketchup is God's man juice
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
