After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
