If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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