2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
