I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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