wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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