Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
