I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
