either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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