I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
