i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
