How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
