im about as happy as oj after his trial
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
