He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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