Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
My cat gives me a boner
I am midnight drunk by noon
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
