I wish you could order shots online.
it's like iHOP with fire
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
