I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
