How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
