Just fell off a train. Bad.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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