Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
