It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
