Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
