I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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