Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Watching her eat just hurts me
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
