This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
