We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
