so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
