When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
