I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
