no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
