We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
