its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
