found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
