omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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