Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
We got so high we made milksteak
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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