i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
