she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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