My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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