I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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