Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
