A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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