i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i've created a new STD.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
