he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
