don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
