morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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