four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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